In Which Hera Is A Cyclops
by XXxxLunariaMoonxxXX
Summary: A lighthearted and funny (I hope) story in which Hera is turned into a cyclops. The original trio (Grover, Percy, & Annabeth) set off on a journey to save Hera and discover some new things along the way. A lot of my favorite characters and references towards the books. I'm terrible at summaries and will probably take a long time to update (If at all) so be warned! ;)


**Author's note: so I am co-writing this with my friends Jamslice** **(plz check her out!) and SanversLovR (editor). Plot: A lighthearted story in which Hera turns into a cyclops and Polyphemus is convinced that he's in love with her! What happens next? Read to find out! This is my first fanfic, so comments & reviews are greatly appreciated! I don't want to spoil the rest so,**

 **Enjoy!**

 **P.S. I'm very sorry if I mess anything up because I haven't finished the Heroes Of Olympus yet :( plz forgive me! Once again, Enjoy!**

* * *

Chapter one

The gods were restless. They were getting bored and wanted something to do. So naturally, Dionysus offered them drinks, Ares offered to start a war (This made Hades cheer), Athena offered to make them study (that was quickly shot down), and Apollo decided to sing (which caused most of his fellow gods to groan because his last singing marathon lasted a century. Literally.)

Apollo sang using his godly (in his opinion) voice:

 _IIIII'M, the best! Apollo the god!_

 _Up in Olympus where angels may trod!_

 _The savior of maidens from the monsters' abyss,_

 _He is super handsome, especially his p-_

"STOP!" Cried all of the gods at once

"What?" Whined Apollo, "I'm bored, there's nothing else that rhymes with abyss, _and_ it's true!"

Unknown to the gods, as Apollo stood there stating his case, a figure crept up silently and plopped an unknown liquid into Hera's drink. Hera, thirsty from arguing with her step-son, drank her specially made Diet Coke. (a mortal drink with good reviews from both Hermes and Zeus himself.)

After what seemed like years (20 minutes), Hera retired to her garden for some peace and quiet. This is when things went wrong.

Her vision narrowed, her stomach felt bloated, and she suddenly felt plump.

She thought bitterly, "hurumph! I'll teach my husband a lesson! Diet Coke! I have a banquet in two days!" She nervously began to stroke her hair, only to find her once luscious locks of golden hair was brown, thin, and.. _GREASY_!

Just then, a volcano exploded in Hawaii.(probably a reaction to Hera's rage)

"AHHHHH!" Shrieked Hera. Through her rage, she blacked out and saw nothing more.

 ** _-Time skip brought to you by Grover and his tin cans…-_**

Hera awoke to the wonderful aroma of.. you guessed it! Dung. Goat dung to be exact. "Where am I?!" Cried Hera, "WHO DID THIS?! AHHHHH!" Hissed/shrieked Hera through her rage. Unknown to her, she had become a lady cyclops. But for now, all she could think about was her greasy hair (she suspected the idiotic demigods from camp cow blood or whatever it was.).

Suddenly, she heard a very ungodly voice singing:

 _Sheep…... Butt!_

 _A chop! Chip! Cut!_

 _Sheep are the greatest meals!_

 _The meat is sweet and gives me feels!_

 _I'm Polyphemus the greatest of beasts!_

 _So come join me..during my sheep butt feasts!_

LAHHH! LAHH LAH!

FLAH! FLAH! FLAHH!

"What is this?" croaked the ancient cyclops, "Is it friend or foe I smells?"

The giant cyclops walks up to Hera. And after showering, he was too lazy to put on clothes and decided on something simple. Polyphemus walked up to Hera wearing nothing but a loincloth.

"EEK!" Squeaked the now ugly Hera.

She tried summoning her goddess powers.

 _Grunt. Grunt_.

Nothing happens.

"It's new bride!" cried Polyphemus happily.

"What? No!" (Hera)

She then attempted to buy herself time.

"You aren't wearing a shirt! Haven't you heard of the mortal saying, _no shoes no shirt no service_?!" said Hera nervously.

"Oh ok! Anything for bride…"said the hideous monster.

He walks away.

He walks back wearing exactly a nice crisp shirt, fancy shoes, and a nice bow tie. Except he wasn't wearing pants. His loincloth was painfully missing.

Hera screamed and averted her eyes. She prayed to all things holy that she could find the person who did this to her, and KILL them.

Hera, desperate, clicked the watch given to her by Percy to find a hologram of coach Hedge screeching:

"PUT SOME PANTS ON!"

Of course it was just a prank watch. Grrr. And the timing is absolutely _greeat_!

While turning off the watch, Hera realized that her skin was lumpy with warts and had a greenish hue.

"AAAAHH!" screamed Polyphemus and Hera at the same time.

The man cyclops spoke first, "You say shirt and shoe! You don't say pant!" He whined. "Old man scary!"

Hera did not reply for some time.

After about thirty seconds, she simply said. "Have you _SEEN_ my hair?.." she paused.

"HAVE YOU SEEN MY HAIR?!" She repeated.

"Is bootiful." Polyphemus grinned a toothy grin.

Hera was close to killing the dang monster.

 ** _-Scene change to an unknown cave-_**

"I hope she doesn't kill him." Says an unknown voice watching Hera through a screen. "This is very entertaining!" Laughed another. "Let's hit the cyclops with a little more love potion." Said another. "Find Aphrodite."

Aphrodite was the goddess of love and excelled in love potion making. She complained though, that it was a boring skill to have unless an amazing love story was involved (which most gods decided was unsafe. Because of this, she rarely was able to do anything). So she was surprised when the fiery prankster showed up in her realm and asked for a love potion. "What's in it for me?" asked the graceful and poised goddess. (Although she secretly already agreed to his _proposition_ in her mind.) He replied in a long sentence of unnecessary words. But in short he said, "A bow and arrow made from Apollo himself."

Everyone knew the power the two holy beings had together. The arrows of Apollo injected with Aphrodite's love potions had inspired the famous play of Romeo and Juliet. (The terribly cheesy words were sent to Shakespeare through a dream from Apollo.)

"Deal."

 ** _\- Back in Polyphemus' cave-_**

"I loves you! Do you loves me?"

"I don't."

"I still loves you wifey!"

 _**Grumbles**_

"You be wifey like goat man!"

 _Polyphemus clapped happily_.

"PUT SOME PANTS ON!"

Hera groaned.

Unfortunately, in an attempt to strangle the beast a while ago, Hera broke the watch and it now kept presenting glorious holograms of coach hedge screeching:

"PUT SOME PANTS ON!"

To which made Polyphemus ran around shouting stupid comments:

"Ok old man!"

"I already did!"

"Why are you here?!"

"Are you trying to steal my wifey?"

"OK OLD MAN!"

"I dids that already!"

Hera was convinced that she, Hera, the greatest goddess, was going to die from the stupidity around her. Could this Cyclops not help her with her **greasy** **hair** and **warts on skin** problem?!

After lots of tapping on the stupid watch, Hera was able to shut the holograms off. She began to fidget the watch's switches to see if it could help her escape from her goat dung scented captor. "What has he been eating?!" thought the poor goddess.

After skipping the dinner Polyphemus made for her,(raw goat meat, and what suspiciously looked like eyeballs) Hera found a switch hidden in the back of the 3, (She felt a bit stupid for not discovering it earlier, as it was Poseidon's Olympian number) and up popped the grinning face of Percy Jackson…

"What's shakin', mama H?" said the amused face of Percy Jackson. (It seemed that it took a couple seconds for Percy to process Hera's newly uglified face.) "Erm….What's wrong with your face!?"

"..."

Imagine a green cyclops business woman wearing a Greek linen dress while sitting on a sheep.

Percy muffled his laughter.

"So…haha..not to be rude, but.. umm.. you're a cyclops," pointed out Percy.

" _Nooo_! I'm totally _NOT_ a cyclops!" said an unamused Hera.

"…."

"..."

"…."

"Cyclops in love with you?"

"Yep."

"Need to be rescued?"

"Mmm-hmmm."

"…."

".…"

"...I'll try to fit you into my schedule."

"Why you-" Hera started.

She must've decided that losing her temper would destroy any chance of her finding her prankster because she began again in a more regal voice

"Yes. That'd be wonderful Mr. Percy. Please try to fit my _cyclops_ problem into your _very_ busy schedule. I'm _very_ sure that you're _very_ busy and my problem is _very_ small compared to your schedule. Despite the fact that I'm the ultimate goddess whom you should worship above all things."

"I'll be sure to fit you in," He replied.

With that, the message was gone and Hera was left alone with a smelly cyclops.

 ** _-At Camp Half-Blood-_**

"Alrighty, ready to save Hairy?" Shouted Percy.

"YEAA!" shouted back Grover

"You mean Hera?" Corrected Annabeth.

"Nope." Percy grinned.

Annabeth looked at Percy questioningly.

Then the original team departed from the camp to save Hera from a cyclops. (Again.)

 **Author's Note: Sorry if this is short, but I hope that you enjoyed it. Until next time ;)**

 **PEACE OUT!**


End file.
